Active listeners are deliberate. They remind themselves frequently that their goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. They set aside all other thoughts and behaviours, and concentrate on the message.

Developing active listening skills requires you to analyse your position within the conversation. It is essential that you understand how you ‘come across’ as you listen. At first it may feel stilted, but as you develop your active listening skills, the marriage between listening and appropriately responding will become more natural.  

Here are some basic skills that you can focus on learning in order to become an active listener and stimulate better understanding.  

1. Turn off the internal voice

 Everyone has an internal voice that chatters away throughout everyday experiences. We all know that voice! Often it can be quite judgemental and negative, particularly when it comes to how we are perceived by those around us. In a 1-on-1 or meeting, be disciplined and ignore that inner voice. This is the time to focus on how you are listening to the other person.

2. Pay attention to your body language  

While actively listening, it is essential that you capture all of the speaker’s vocal nuances, including changes in intonation. But don’t forget that body language is another important way of uniting the speaker and listener. To master active listening, you must learn how to read and respond to it.

It is also important to learn how to avoid bad body language. Active listeners maintain eye contact to show they are giving the speaker their full, undivided attention. (But be aware that certain cultures, such as Pacific Island cultures, will avoid looking you in the eye as a sign of respect for the role you hold.) Matching your body language to that of the speaker will help the speaker feel at ease and improve communication flow.

3. Nod to show you’re listening  

Active listeners confirm that they’re following the flow of conversation by nodding at appropriate cues in the conversation. They utilise this form of body language to great effect,allowing speakers to continue talking without disrupting their communication flow.

4. Paraphrase to show understanding  

Active listeners remember to speak as little as possible, as this puts them in a controlling position. They must ensure that they are giving the speaker the greatest opportunities to develop their own thoughts and ideas. But with that in mind, paraphrasing – basically, summarising what the other person has just said – can still be an important part of active listening. This active feedback confirms to the speaker that you have truly understood what they’ve said.

5. Express a natural state of empathy  

Showing genuine empathy helps individuals feel not only relaxed and comfortable, but also that listeners really care. By presenting an active, genuine expression of empathy to the speaker, you will win their heart and mind. Facial expressions as well as gentle words will help show the speaker that you feel concern over what they are saying.  

As mentioned last week, I firmly believe that the higher up you are in an organisation, the more listening you should do!

Please feel free to share some tips that have helped you become a better listener; at work and also at home!