Before confronting a team member with a tough conversation, first take a close, objective look at what might be causing the person’s poor behaviour or performance – starting with yourself.

• Is there something I can work on to develop this person’s skills?

• Have I been clear in my expectations of this person?

• Have I let things slide without speaking up, and unwittingly created a culture of mediocrity?

• Have I handled all situations fairly and evenly? (Or have I backed off giving feedback to a powerful personality, or a person I particularly like or respect in the team?)

Sometimes it’s about calling out intentional behaviour. Sometimes it’s about asking people if they are aware of the impact of their behaviour on other team members – their actions may actually be unintentional. Either way, the reason the conversation is difficult to have is because you are touching on an attitude or behaviour that goes deeper than skills, and closer to character.

If, after a bit of mirror gazing, you decide that the behavioural or performance issue clearly lies with your direct report, consider what might be driving the behaviour. What is the missing element for them in the Skill/ Will Matrix? Is the problem more about motivation or ability? Maybe they are bored, burnt out, or tired. Maybe they are struggling with some other aspect of life, as we all do from time to time.

It could be that initiating the tough conversation is the first step in resolving the issue that is causing the poor performance. This would be a great outcome for both of you. Whatever the outcome, some preparation and planning needs to happen before you have the tough conversation.

You might find my Tough Conversation Preparation template useful. And watch out for my next blog about having the tough conversation.